just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
