Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
