I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
