I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
