I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
