Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
