OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
