as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
