I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
