Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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