I wanna bring you to show and tell
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
