We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
