You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize