Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
