Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize