Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
