I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The air was thick with penises
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
