I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
