"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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