I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
