Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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