If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
