i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
