haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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