I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Who died my cat blue again?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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