Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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