i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
