where am i from again
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
