talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
