Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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