Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
