On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
