the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
