How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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