Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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