I am spending my child support on dildos
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
