Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(678): View more from Georgia

My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock

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(630): View more from Illinois

I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....

(1-630): View more from Illinois

which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.

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(734): View more from Michigan

I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover

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(719): View more from Colorado

Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.

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(808): View more from Hawaii

drinks after work?

(1-808): View more from Hawaii

that question mark offends me.

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(914): View more from New York

How can i make it up 2 u?

(347): View more from New York

DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.

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