He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
