In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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