Can i not drive my cunt home
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
