So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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