You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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