Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
