Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just want to make out with him forever
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
