I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
my being single is dangerous.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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