haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
