apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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