meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize