The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
