No stitches, just platelets and will power
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
